Emotional intelligence is arguably one of the most important tools you’ll need in life. From personal life to workplace performance, it’s key to accelerating success. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to manage your own emotions and understand those of the people around you. It’s often considered a driving force behind a person’s confidence, making sound decisions, building connections, navigating complex social situations, being optimistic and exercising self-control during challenging times.
Emotional intelligence is a crucial component of leadership. Research shows that 90% of top performers in the workplace have high emotional intelligence.
While some people are naturally more adept at emotional intelligence, EI can be learned, developed and enhanced. If you’re wondering how to increase your emotional intelligence, we have you covered. In this article we’ll dive more into what emotional intelligence is, the components of EI and how to improve it, no matter what chapter of life you’re in.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
In a nutshell, emotional intelligence is how well individuals identify and manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others. It’s understanding how those emotions shape your thoughts and actions so you can have greater control over your behavior and develop the skills to manage yourself more effectively.
Origins
The term emotional intelligence was originally used by researchers, Peter Salavoy and John Mayer, in their 1990 article “Emotional Intelligence” found in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. The concept was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence. Research continues to evolve in the field of emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence Models
There are various models of emotional intelligence. These include:
- Ability Models: These models “define emotional intelligence as the ability to perceive, understand, manage and use emotions.”
- Trait Models: These models view EI as a naturally occurring set of emotional traits and competencies.
- Mixed Models: These models see emotional intelligence as combined traits and abilities, plus acquired skills and strategies.
Emotional intelligence can be assessed using different tests based on various models. For example, the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) is based on an ability model, the Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (TEIQue) was developed based on a trait model and the Emotional Competency Inventory (ECBI) derived from a mixed model.
Core Components Of Emotional Intelligence & How To Improve Them
Why is emotional intelligence important? As we’ll dive into below, EI can be a critical component in understanding yourself and others, relating to people in your personal and professional spheres, communicating effectively, making decisions, handling stress and more.
Four key components of good emotional intelligence include: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and good social skills. You can improve these through simple methods you can incorporate into your everyday life.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, and it builds from there. People with good self-awareness tend to have high emotional intelligence. Self-awareness is considered the cornerstone of emotional intelligence and the other components of EI depend on it.
Margaret Andrews, a Harvard instructor on emotional intelligence, puts it in these terms: “If you’re aware of your own emotions and the behaviors they trigger, you can begin to manage your emotions and behaviors.” She shares that it’s critical to be aware that our emotions impact our mood, behaviors and interactions with others. Andrews explains that since we are always having emotions, “the question is whether you are aware of these emotions and the impact they have on your behavior—and other people.”
In the workplace, leaders who are highly self-aware and know how to properly manage their emotions are better equipped to perceive others’ feelings and motivate other employees. Research in the Harvard Business Review found that teams with members who lack self-awareness make poor decisions and often lack good conflict management.
Developing this self-awareness is the foundational element to better decision-making and enhanced relationships—both with oneself and others.
Use effective strategies for developing self-awareness like:
- Keeping a diary: Start by writing down what happened to you at the end of every day, how it made you feel and how you dealt with it. This can be a great way to get an accurate gauge of yourself and discover patterns that need work.
- Acknowledge emotional triggers: Learn to identify and acknowledge emotional triggers and give these feelings and emotions time to process, but don’t allow them to take over you.
- Mindfulness practices: This can be especially helpful for managing emotional triggers. Get in touch with your breath, listen to the sounds around you, the air on your skin, the feeling of your feet on the ground. Practice mindfulness of all your sensations.
Self-Regulation
Harvard Health Publishing defines self-regulation as “the act of controlling your behaviors, thoughts, emotions, choices and impulses.” This is an important skill set because it can help us react appropriately even in stressful situations. It can help us keep our emotional and physical behaviors in check, plus help us be mindful and intentional when facing stressors. Self-regulation includes cognitive aspects (thought patterns), emotions and behaviors.
Self-awareness is a precursor to establishing good self-regulation. Through self-awareness, we can recognize different thought patterns, emotions and behaviors. Self-regulation can help us challenge those unhelpful thought patterns, maintaining control over our emotions and intentionally choosing appropriate behaviors. Self-regulations can help us be aware of our behaviors before, during and after an incident—then we can evaluate our responses and make changes where needed.
Self-regulation is critical in many areas of our lives. Those with an ability to self-regulate well tend to handle frustration and stress better. They also tend to have more self-confidence and better self-esteem, can calm or motivate themselves when needed, and have greater persistence and resilience when faced with challenges.
If you’re struggling with self-regulation try some of these techniques:
- Mindfulness: Mindfulness promotes self-awareness, which can lead to better self-regulation. Breathing exercises, gratitude journaling, meditation and practicing living in the moment are simple mindfulness practices that can help us be more aware and self-regulate.
- Monitor your body: According to Verywell Mind, one of the ways you can self-regulate is to do a mental body scan to gain an understanding of the emotions you’re feeling. For example, pause and notice if your heart rate has increased, your muscles are tense or you’re breathing heavily.
- Stress management: Focus on managing stress effectively through progressive muscle relaxation, visualization exercises or journaling. If your stress is not manageable alone, try seeking out professional help.
Social Awareness
Social awareness is our ability to sense and tune into the emotions of others. It helps us to recognize and understand others’ needs, perspectives and feelings. It also helps us to have empathy. Empathy can be described as having three components—identifying what others feel, sharing this emotion and wishing to improve their experience. It’s important to remember that empathy is not about how you would feel in their situation, but rather, how they actually feel.
Having good social awareness is fundamental to our relationships and interactions with others. Those with good social awareness tend to communicate, connect and collaborate well. Strong social awareness skills also help us to be more kind, respectful and generous. It can also help people adapt and change to different social situations, respond to others with kind but open feedback and facilitate a calm environment in a group.
Techniques that can help you build good social awareness and empathy are:
- Listen: Before you’re able to empathize with someone, you first need to understand what it is they’re saying, which means actively listening.
- Be approachable: Try to remain accessible and approachable regardless of how you feel.
- Open yourself up: One of the quickest ways to offer a sincere exchange or sign of empathy is to not only listen to someone’s experiences but also connect to it by sharing a similar experience of your own.
- Be mindful: Although at times sharing a similar experience can be a powerful way to help you connect, some recent research suggests that you don’t have to have a similar experience to be empathetic. In fact, the opposite may be true. Approaching another person with a fresh mindset—and not assuming you know what they are going through—could go a long way in gaining understanding and empathy.
Social Skills
In emotional intelligence terms, social skills refer to those needed to handle and influence other people’s emotions properly and effectively. Social skills, which include influence, conflict management, teamwork and the ability to inspire others, make it possible to build and maintain healthy relationships in all parts of your life—whether at work or personally.
People with strong social skills can make a huge difference on a team and in organizations because they understand others and act on this knowledge to move people toward a common goal. Studies show that good social skills also help people develop resilience, which can combat psychological distress in challenging situations.
Methods for improving personal social skills include:
- Active listening: This applies to social skills just as it does to social awareness. Make a genuine effort to truly listen to what the other person has to say.
- Engaging in social activities: The more exposure you get to social situations, the better your interpersonal skills become. Practice makes perfect.
- Seeking feedback: Being active for genuine and candid feedback from others can be a good first step. Remember to not take feedback personally.
Quick Fact: Different emotional intelligence models categorize core aspects slightly differently. The Goleman theory, for example, includes these five components of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy and motivation.
Go Deeper: 24 Dos and Don’ts to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
High Emotional Intelligence Examples
We’re constantly inundated with different emotions and stressors, but learning how to develop emotional intelligence can help. See some practical examples of emotional intelligence you can apply in everyday life.
- Accepting feedback from others without being defensive.
- Being aware of your own emotions and using good self-regulation strategies to manage your behaviors and actions.
- Being aware of others’ emotions and reacting in a way that shows empathy and understanding.
- Resolving conflict in a healthy manner.
- Setting your own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others.
- Being accountable for your own actions without blaming others.
- Being able to communicate effectively in a clear, caring way.
- Awareness of team or group dynamics and knowing how to respond appropriately (i.e. knowing when to lead or how to jump in as a team player).
- Having resilience—seeing setbacks as opportunities for growth.
- Being present and supportive to those around you.
- Navigating difficult conversations with compassion and empathy.
- Being curious and self-reflective about your own reactions in order to increase self-awareness and self-regulation.
- Listening and responding with empathy rather than minimizing another person’s feelings.
- Having an open mind about other people’s perspectives and discussing different points of view in a non-confrontational way.
- Creating inclusive environments where others feel valued.
- Being adaptable and sensitive to how change impacts others around you.
- Taking complete responsibility for your own emotions.
- Consistently working to develop better self-awareness.
- Understanding the impact of your emotions on others.
- Fostering a collaborative environment and promoting a culture of learning and growth.
Emotional Intelligence And Leadership
Good emotional intelligence is necessary for good leadership and must be continuously honed. You can have all the technical skills in the world, but if you aspire to be in a leadership role, there’s an emotional element to consider.
Strong emotional intelligence in leaders can have many powerful benefits for the workplace or other group dynamics. These include:
- Better ability for leaders to handle workplace relationships
- Creating more positive group dynamics
- Enhancing collaboration and communication
- Leadership making more empathetic decisions that considers the needs and perspectives of employees or groups
- Building trust among colleagues or teams
- Enabling leaders to handle conflict in a more productive manner
- Addressing potential burnout among employees
- Recognizing and appreciating employees’ efforts
- Approaching change with positivity
- Establishing greater overall employee engagement
When leaders improve emotional intelligence, it can lead to greater effectiveness as a leader, more team cohesion and improved relationships. Continuing to revisit and improve your emotional intelligence can help you become a stronger, more capable leader.
Emotional Intelligence In The Workplace
Emotional intelligence can also be crucial in the workplace. No matter what position a person is in, good EI could help with:
- Problem-solving
- Regulating emotions
- Empathizing and relating to coworkers
- Increasing collaboration and teamwork
- Building trust
- Effective communication
- Better decision-making
- Improved performance
Improving Your Emotional Intelligence In Everyday Conversations
Improving your emotional intelligence might look like adopting some of these phrases (and meaning it).
1. “Could you tell me more about that?”
Communicating in a way that encourages people to talk about their feelings and experiences shows you care about their feelings, and you can use their responses as a learning opportunity.
2. “I hear you.”
By telling someone that you hear them or understand them, you create a cooperative environment that is perfect for team-building.
3. “I understand what you’re saying, but…”
This phrase highlights another important aspect of emotional intelligence: the ability to remain diplomatic even if one doesn’t agree with someone.
4. “I’m not sure what’s wrong. Could you explain the problem?”
This phrase acknowledges someone is having an issue, and instead of reacting negatively, you invite them to share their thoughts.
5. “How do you feel about that?”
This phrase expresses empathy and helps people feel acknowledged and respected.
6. “I’d love your input on this.”
Asking for input or expressing openness allows someone else to feel proud of themselves, making them think very positively about you.
Improve Your EI To Thrive Personally And Professionally
Concepts like self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills and social awareness are the foundation of emotional intelligence. Mastering these will help you make massive strides in life, and you can start with simple steps and actions. From increasing self-awareness through mindfulness to learning how to communicate using high emotional intelligence with others around you, there are many ways to develop in this area. Improving emotional intelligence is a continuous journey with many challenges, but persistence is crucial for growth—both personally and professionally.
Emotional Intelligence FAQs
If you need a quick run-through of the importance of EI and how to improve it, these FAQS can help.
Why Are Emotional Intelligence Skills Important?
Emotional intelligence skills are important in understanding and reacting to both our own emotions and the emotions of others. It can help us have healthier, more empathetic responses and reactions, improve our decision-making skills, improve communication, forge stronger relationships and achieve goals. It can enhance our personal well-being as well as our interactions in the workplace. It can also help us excel in leadership, create stronger team dynamics and encourage nurturing, collaborative environments.
Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned?
Different models of emotional intelligence focus on different aspects. Some focus primarily on ability, some on natural traits and some on mixed aspects that include both ability, traits and learned skills. Regardless of the theory, however, people can learn to improve or develop their emotional intelligence by fostering self-awareness, regulating their emotions and improving social awareness and social skills, including empathy, conflict management and active listening.
How Is Emotional Intelligence Measured?
Emotional intelligence can be measured using a number of different EI assessments, such as the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT), the Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire (TEIQue) and the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i 2.0). However, other methods can be used to assess emotional intelligence, including observation of behavior, feedback from others and performance-based tests.
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